her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
