i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
