I think scott just propositioned me for sex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
