at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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