so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
