My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
