apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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