I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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