Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
