there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
