Pants 0. Shit 1.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
