I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
