i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize