So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
