Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
