I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A bitchslap is in order.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
