Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
