First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
