My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
