I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize