dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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