So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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