So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize