Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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