just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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