He asked me if I "almost moaned"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
