I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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