butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
