ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
