i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
