listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
