There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
