I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
