i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
