Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
