When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize