as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
