Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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