Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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