I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
