He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
