Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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