Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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