His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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