Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize