It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
