i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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