I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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