My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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