Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
