I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
