i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
