im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Enjoy the penises
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
