I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
