How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
