If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
