you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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