Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
