i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
