my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
