I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
