Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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