I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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