i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
