dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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