Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize