Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
