im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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