real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
