it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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